Live your Life

I was feeling a little strange yesterday, but all day long, I wasn't sure why; nothing else had to be done in terms of unpacking or finding places for things; the decorating of our apartment was done; the bills were paid & I had gone to the gym. So, why did I feel like something wasn't quite right?

When John got home from work, he asked me how my day was. Our subsequent discussion helped me realize what that strange feeling was. I was living my old Florida lifestyle; the one where I felt stuck inside b/c it was too hot to go out; where John had to work a lot of weekends & I couldn't go very far b/c I didn't have a car; where it was really hard to meet people with common interests; where I kept saying "once we move to Oregon, THEN I'll go see new places, meet new people & try new things". The problem with this is...none of those issues are issues here. It's NOT too hot here. I've got my own transportation & I have a girlfriend to do fun things with. I just haven't been taking full advantage of all the good things that landed on my plate when we got here.

I had become stuck in such a routine in Florida, it hadn't yet occurred to me that it's ok, scratch that, it's necessary, to break out of old routines. Especially ones that don't work. The problem with living this way, without breaking out, is that it forces you to put your life on hold & living on hold for five years is a long time. It creates a fear of trying new things b/c you're not used to doing it anymore. It makes you wait for your "real" life to start & it makes you put things off until that real life begins. And that is a mistake. Because life is NOW. Life is whatever you're doing today. And if you don't start living it, you'll be waiting the rest of your life for the rest of your life to start.

We put a lot of thought & hard work into this move & now is the time to reap the rewards of that hard work. Instead of being scared to drive downtown by myself (which sounds ridiculous for a 34 year old!), I'm just going to do it. If I want to shop at some groovy new stores, I'll call Alison & ask her to show me where the best ones are. If someone tells me about a good restaurant, I'm going to make a point of checking it out. Sometimes you just need to kick yourself in the ass & get out of your own way. And that's what I intend to do.

Remember the episode of "Friends" where Monica's credit card gets stolen & then she's jealous of the person who stole it b/c they're doing such great things with it? That's what I used to feel like. Boring, uptight, anal-retentive Monica who never actually does any of the things she'd like to do. But now that we're here, I'm going to make sure I actually DO the great things. I'm going to embrace my inner Monanah!

Later,
PortlandGirl

p.s. Saw "The Family Stone" the other day & was completely unprepared for how sad it was! Why didn't the commercials warn me about that part?! I was expecting a nice, little romantic comedy & then it got all "Steel Magnolias" on me! Even so, had a good cry, then laughed & still enjoyed the movie overall.