"Dark Night" Dilemma

It takes the promise of an awesome movie to get me into a theater these days. I used to LOVE the entire movie-going experience. The smell of popcorn wafting all the way into the parking lot. The sound your shoes make when they peel off the Coke-soaked floor. The brightness of the huge screen constrasted with the darkness of the rest of the room.

But recently, the Hollywood shine has worn off. I don't get excited about a night out at the movies like I used to.

And why is that you ask? Because, as some of you may remember from a previous post, I seem to have turned into the "Hey, come sit next to me" magnet for strange people in movie theaters. I don't know how this happened (seemingly overnight I might add), but I'd like to request that it cease & desist right now. Because I need to go see the new Batman movie.

A few months ago, I went to see "Juno" w/my friend Rhonda & right before the show started, two people came & sat right next to us. In an otherwise empty theater. Why people? Why must you do this? Aside from infringing on my enjoyment, doesn't it put a dent in your own? Don't you want some personal space for yourself? These questions continued to run through my head long after "Juno" ended. I couldn't understand why the hell anyone would choose to do that, but rather than obsess any more than I already had, I decided to chalk it up to a good story & let the rest of my angst float away into the universe.

A few weeks after the "Juno" incident, John & I decided to go see "Iron Man". It had been out in theaters long enough that it wasn't brand new anymore & since it was a Thursday afternoon, we were pretty sure there wouldn't be a full house watching it with us. Well, we were right about that part; we were the only ones in the theater when we arrived. We went to our usual favorite seats (back row, center) & talked about how awesome it would be if nobody else even came in. Of course, that never actually happens...especially when you talk about it first. Instead, what DOES happen is that right before the movie starts, several groups of people wander in, take their time figuring out the best place to sit & finally figure out that the best place is next to you.

Yes, I had the pleasure of seeing Robert Downey Jr. on one hand (whatever "it" is, he's got it in spades) while dealing with the distinct displeasure of sitting next to a complete stranger on the other. I'm sure John didn't enjoy the show much either since I was giving him sideways, "Can you believe this?" glances the whole time. I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who feels this way, so what's up w/these people who just don't get it? It's WEIRD!!

Fast-forward to June 29th. John & I thought the new Indiana Jones movie would be worth seeing on the big screen, and since we learned our lesson last time, we carefully planned our attack. The movie had premiered a full month before so we were certain we wouldn't be fighting crowds, but it WAS a Saturday afternoon, so we knew we'd have to be careful. Rather than sitting right in the middle of the back row, we branched off to one end. And if anyone looked like they were headed in our direction, I started saying, "Don't sit here, don't even THINK of sitting near us, just go somewhere else & we'll both be happy" under my breath just to create a cloud of bad juju around us.

FYI - this doesn't work. Actually, it may have made things worse b/c right before the movie started, we were surrounded! I had someone next to me, John had someone next to him & there were a bunch of people right in front of us. I don't think I need to tell you that there were a plethora (not to be confused with placenta) of other seats available.

I am at a loss.

There is one bright light in my darkest days of movie-watching & its name is "Sex & the City". When I was ready to give up theaters for good & only watch movies in the comfort of my own home, this little gem came along & erased all the bad feelings. In fact, I might even go so far as to include it in my top 3 movie-going experiences of all time. Aside from having what I consider to be the hallmarks of a great film - laughter, tears, girlfriends, fantasy lifestyles & fabulous shoes - NOBODY SAT EVEN REMOTELY NEAR ME!!! I was in heaven the whole time.

And so, to remain on that positive note, I've come up with some new rules for movie-watching in the theater that I'd like to share:

1) If someone is already sitting in the theater when you arrive, sit as far away from them as possible.
2) If someone is already sitting in the seat you usually like to sit in, suck it up & find a new one (also as far away from them as possible).
3) Always leave at least one seat (although more is always better) in between you & the stranger next to you.
4) If someone's cell phone rings during the show, you are welcome to shoot them dirty looks. If said person answers that cell phone & carries on a full conversation, you are free to kill them.
5) If you are killing the person who was talking on their cell phone, please take it outside. We're trying to watch a movie.

If we all follow these rules, I think the world will be a better place for movie lovers everywhere. Thanks!

Cinematically,
PortlandGirl

Happy O'Canada Day

In honour of Canada Day, I got a funny phone message from my friend Dawn this afternoon. Here's what she said:

"Oh Canada. Oh Canada. (this part was sung, but not to the right tune) I don't know the rest of the words to the Canada song, but I wanted to wish you a Happy Oh Canada Day. What do you do in Canada for Oh Canada Day? Are there special foods you eat? Why do you even have it anyway?"

Now, to the majority of readers, Dawn may sound like the stereotypical American who doesn't know anything about Canada. I assure you she's not. Dawn is whip smart, quick-witted & a kindred spirit. I was fortunate enough to meet her a month after we arrived in Portland & she became seamlessly integrated into our life immediately. And even though our friendship has been relatively short compared to my other girlfriends, it feels like we've known each other forever. I could bring her to Oakville to meet everyone & she would fit in in 5 minutes. I have no doubt.

But clearly, I had to set her straight on a few Canadianisms, eh. So I called her back. Here's what I said:

"First of all, it's not the 'Canada song', it's the national anthem & it doesn't go to the tune of 'O Christmas Tree'. Secondly, it's not called 'Oh Canada Day', it's just Canada Day. Our special food is beer & we like to celebrate by drinking a 2-4, usually at someone's cottage, but a back yard will do just as nicely. There are fireworks, red & white decorations &, if Deb's involved, a Canadian flag cake with strawberries representing the maple leaf. We celebrate Canada Day to recognize when Canada became an independent country from Britain."

When I said that last one, I wasn't 100% sure the wording was right, but it sounded good. It also made me think I may need to do a little history homework regarding my homeland.

Happy Canada Day everybody!

Studiously,
PortlandGirl

p.s. Thanks to Deb & Dado for the online "Oh Canada" greeting card. It was absolutely fitting to hear the real "Canada song" after Dawn's Christmas-themed version!